For this series of writings, I asked people online to send me a question for the tarot and then choose a number from 0 to 21. [TW: abuse]

Question

Do abusers know they’re being abusive, or is that just their sense of reality?

Card chosen

21: The World

Response

In The World, there is a fully realized being who is dancing in their own magnificence, fully embracing and expressing who they are. The World is trying to bring our attention to our essential Self. Not the fleeting fears and attachments that comprise our ego, but the deeper, truer self that exists beyond our inherited beliefs and conditioning. This essential Self is intrinsically whole, clear, and magnificent. It’s inside of us right now—it is what we ARE—but, as humans, we accumulate pains and fears that obscure our awareness of it.

The way we're treating others and the world is reflective of the way we treat ourselves. If I am being violent toward others, then it is extending from a well of violence within me. I am also inflicting violence upon myself, probably in unconscious ways. The violence could be extreme and outward, or it could be contained within the invisible recesses of my mind. The violence could be physical, emotional, mental, verbal, or sexual. The violence could be a subtle one that induces small amounts of tension or it could be explicit and severe with extremely painful ramifications.

If someone is abusing others, they are, on some level, also inflicting violence upon themselves. This doesn’t at all excuse or justify their behavior, but it can help us understand the dynamic and its root. If someone is hurting themself and others, it is because they are severely disconnected from that deeper, essential Self. This true Self is represented in card 21 by the woman dancing so divinely, gracefully, and authentically at the center of The World card.

If a violent person had more awareness of their deeper Self and their worth, they wouldn’t be hurting themselves and, consequently, wouldn’t be hurting others as much either. Instead, they are stuck in a mass of accumulated fear and misery, which will infect their relation with themselves and everyone they meet.

Back to the question. My short, immediate answer is... I don't know! This question is even uncomfortable for me to answer because I feel uninformed about abuse and have no personal experience with it.

My speculation would be that maybe there are some abusers don't know that what they’re doing is inflicting pain upon another person. And for the abusers who DO know that they are causing pain, my guess is that they do not know the full extent of their violence. Because the full extent is that they’re also doing it to themselves, and its cause is probably rooted beneath their conscious awareness. They are unconsciously inflicting pain because they are IN pain. They are in pain because they are disconnected from themselves. Again, I’m not at all justifying or explaining away violent behavior. It’s wrong and terrible. I’m just trying to wrap my head around it.

Our interactions are a result of the state of being that is activated within us. If I’m being really judgmental towards others (which happens on a daily, even hourly basis for me), it’s because I’ve activated a state of criticism that is equally imposed upon myself. I can’t hate others if don’t also hate myself. On the other hand, if I am being sincerely kind and giving to others, I am also, in the very same moment, giving that affection and caring attention to myself.

Either way, it’s like instant karma. Whatever I put out into the world, I am perpetuating within myself. It’s like tuning into a frequency, a state of being, that ripples inward as much as it does outward. Some frequencies are tuned into unconsciously, some are tuned into intentionally. And sometimes it's a little bit of both, partial awareness and partial ignorance.

On my blog, you can find more writings on art and alchemical thinking, interviews about creativity, psychologically-oriented reflections on tarot, and more. You can check out past posts in the categorized list below.

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Art
- Jul 2, 2018 About the Folks Who Think You Stink (Notes on Performance and Life)
- Jun 22, 2018 The Freedom and Fear of Being Yourself (Notes on Performance and Life)
- Apr 3, 2018 Public Alchemy: Notes on Street Performance
- Dec 1, 2017 Why the Tutu?
- Sep 14, 2017 Art is a Portal
- Aug 17, 2017 Put the Potatoes on Your Face
- Dec 28, 2016 How to Make Magical Oranges
- Dec 19, 2016 Wakey Wakey, Inner Kiddo
Interviews
- Jul 18, 2018 Artist Interview: Kayle Karbowski
- Jun 4, 2018 Artist Interview: Sally Nicholson
- Apr 23, 2018 Interview: Yogi Ron Katwijk
- Mar 1, 2018 Artist Interview: Lawrence Blackman
- Feb 21, 2018 Artist Interview: Samantha Blumenfeld
Magical Thinking
- Jun 21, 2023 Magick for Reshaping Life and Transmuting Trauma
- May 18, 2023 Magick is a Sentient Entity: Using the Imagination to Co-Create with Magick
- Dec 4, 2020 The Healing Voice: Wounds, Addiction, and Purgation
- Aug 5, 2019 Celebrating Your Misery
- Jun 21, 2019 White Peacocks, Constipation, and Emotional Liberation
- Aug 23, 2018 Melting a Snowball of Misery
- Jul 2, 2018 About the Folks Who Think You Stink (Notes on Performance and Life)
- Jun 22, 2018 The Freedom and Fear of Being Yourself (Notes on Performance and Life)
- Apr 16, 2018 Questions for Limitations
- Apr 3, 2018 Public Alchemy: Notes on Street Performance
- Jan 5, 2018 Chaos' Playground: Finding Gold in the Shitstorm
- Dec 1, 2017 Why the Tutu?
- Sep 14, 2017 Art is a Portal
- Aug 7, 2017 Three Reasons to Destroy Yourself (Or Not)
- Jul 6, 2017 Nerves and Tutus
- Feb 19, 2017 Why Does Heartache Happen?
- Jan 15, 2017 Following Fear
- Dec 28, 2016 How to Make Magical Oranges
Tarot
- Oct 24, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #5: Why does my skin crawl with wonder and fascination as such important relationships in my life are connected by the eyes?
- Oct 11, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #4: How long will it be until I have a new job?
- Sep 25, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #3: Why can't I find more hours in a day?
- Sep 3, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #2: Do abusers know they're being abusive, or is that just their sense of reality?
- Aug 25, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #1: Why is the Present Moment So Much All the Time?
- Aug 18, 2019 Today's Tarot: Shifting Pain by Surrendering to It
- Aug 13, 2019 Today's Tarot: The Golden Devils Inside You
- Aug 12, 2019 Today's Tarot: The Moon of Self-Loathing
- Jun 27, 2019 Today's Tarot: Snot, Beauty, and Tea for Pain
- Feb 28, 2018 Today's Tarot: The World is in the Seed
- Aug 26, 2017 Tarot as a Tool for Reality Construction